What Happens When You Find Out Your Ex Just Died
No hyperbole, just lessons learned from processing the experience
I got a text from a friend from college who I hadn’t spoken to in a few years. We exchanged pleasantries, doing the usual “How’s life in a global pandemic” exchange, and then she asked me if I had heard the news about one of my ex’s, who we’ll call Beth (obviously not her real name). I definitely hadn’t heard the news as we don’t run in the same social circles, but given the title of this piece, you are assuming right — Beth died yesterday.
To get this out of the way, given the times we’re in, no, it wasn’t COVID. I know people who have died from COVID, but this was not one of those cases. My friend didn’t have all the details (she’s friends with Beth’s friends), but apparently it was some sort of disease and not an accident that took her life.
I had no idea how to react, as Beth and I hadn’t necessarily broken up on great terms. At the time we were dating, I was still hung up on a different ex, and Beth and I were definitely not a good fit for one another. While we didn’t split on good terms, I had the emotional awareness of a sentient log and was fairly indifferent to her leaving my life. She didn’t seem too broken up about it either, so I assumed the feelings were mutual.
If not being emotionally attached and thinking it was also a big deal sounds contradictory, you’re probably right, but emotions are not often logical.
So even though I hadn’t really thought of this ex-girlfriend for a vast majority of the past 18 years, it’s always a weird thing to suddenly be confronted by the death of someone who you dated seriously, even if it was only for a few months.
Looking back on my relationships during college prior to meeting my wife, I realize that though most of them were relatively short, most of them less than a year, they felt really impactful. With Beth, I had met her parents, gone on road trips together — to my emotionally stunted 19 year-old self, it had seemed like a big deal even though I don’t think we were together for more than five months and I obviously wasn’t too emotionally attached.
